THE SILENT BATTLES

Broken deep inside, jolly wide outside.
Your pride doesn’t want to let the world know that you’re dying. Everywhere you face becomes a battle. Every opinion you hear becomes a bullet. In every thought that you have becomes a voice saying that your life is barricaded in a misery you can’t escape from.
In the beginning you struggle with the little things, but usually chose to ignore them. You tell yourself that it’s just another bad day. But then slowly and gradually, you realize that you’re in a position where you have to put on a mask and try to act normal, because that’s what you need to do, and what others do. You choose to stay quiet because you think that others will not understand and so you struggle on your own, thinking maybe it’s just you. You’re tired of listening to people saying, “It’s all going to be alright,” or “Your pain is temporary,” when you don’t feel like things will get better any sooner.
So you choose to let the problem stay and that’s when you fall deeper, pushing your friends and family away or completely shutting them out. Those little things that use to bring you happiness becomes all worthless. You ask yourself: why would I work so hard when all that I get in return is pain?
And that’s when you feel completely shattered.
You feel indifferent. Not good enough. Don’t seem to fit in.
Your life feels like a circle. A never-ending, ongoing cycle and you don’t know how to stop it, or change it, or break it.
Your days feel like it’s never going to come to an end, and they all feel indistinguishable. A heavy darkness fills your soul.
Life falls into a new rhythm.
A new normal.
However, in between the silence and chaos, there’s a part of you that wants to set things right. A sudden positive upsurge makes you want to start from scratch, and forget the past.
Maybe you never thought your path would cross these valleys or to be led up to mountains.
No one can break the inside of you.
And no one can tell you who you will be.
The question looms, and you have a choice where to go next.
Those scars you got from hatred, those scars from depression, those scars from rejection, those scars from not fitting in, those scars from that lost relationship, those scars are just a part of your story. They will be symbols of the battles that didn’t kill you and the symbols of the battles that you survived. Those scars are not going to be your identity. We all are fighting a war inside us but that’s only what makes us stronger and wiser.
Much love,
Salina.

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